But the person may then think about how well they’ve been getting along and not want to disrupt that by getting into drug addiction treatment an argument. How you manage conflict in a relationship can impact family dynamics, happiness levels, and even your physical and mental well-being. Learning how to confront someone assertively won’t happen overnight.

Toward Interpersonal Conflict Resolution

Whether it is at work, in your relationships, or in your team, you need to be able to express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and opinions respectfully and confidently. When we avoid conflict with those we continue to interact with, we allow it to fester and grow. Imagine that you hear that you hurt a coworker’s feelings with a thoughtless remark.

Build up more positive relationships.

Reflecting on our reactions to challenging situations, noting patterns in our behavior, and honestly examining our motivations can provide valuable insights. Journaling, talking with trusted friends, or working with a therapist can all aid in this self-discovery process. People who avoid conflict often engage in people-pleasing behaviors.

Fear of negative evaluation

• Constantly avoiding conflict teaches the brain, in a negative way, that this is what is keeping us safe from unpleasant feelings.
• “For example, a heterosexual white man may feel more comfortable sharing his opinion, even if a conflict may arise, because of the more often than not presumed commonality among those in the room.
• Conflict avoidance is a learned behavior often shaped by childhood experiences.

The goal isn’t to win an argument but to communicate in a way that respects both yourself and the other person. Learning how to recognize and work through interpersonal conflict in productive, healthy ways is an important skill that can help you have better relationships in your day-to-day life. Gradual exposure techniques can help individuals build confidence in handling conflict situations. This might involve starting with small, low-stakes disagreements and gradually working up to more challenging confrontations. Each successful interaction builds confidence and provides evidence that conflict doesn’t have to be catastrophic. Self-assessment can be a powerful tool in recognizing our own conflict avoidance tendencies.

Is it healthy to avoid arguments in a relationship?

If they know how much they mean to you, they will be more receptive to what you have to say, if you say it in a gentle and calm way. “When you did/said this, it made me feel angry/sad/disappointed, etc. because _________.” That sounds much better than “you don’t care about me! It’s always about you and you never take my feelings into consideration! ” Be ready with two or three examples to illustrate your point, and speak in a non-reactive tone. Depending on how close you are to this person, you might know your friend’s family dynamics and gain insight into their personality. Was your friend often insulted and humiliated by family members?

• To better understand conflict avoidance, let’s explore where this behavior starts and how it is perpetuated.
• Alternatively, a conflict avoider will literally refuse to participate in the conversation and sometimes simply walk out of the room to avoid a potential conflict.
• The constant tension of unresolved issues can manifest as persistent worry, sleep disturbances, or difficulty concentrating.
• Therapists are trained to help couples navigate conflict and develop healthier communication patterns.
• During conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in defending your own position.

Talk with someone supportive

Most of what we learn about relationships, love, and conflict comes from what we have observed growing up, by watching our parents and other important adults in our lives. Viewing conflict in a task-orientated light, rather than as an emotional experience, can take some of the pressure off and alleviate your fears. Jumping into the unknown territory of learning to confront conflict can be scary, but when you think about the benefits, you’ll be more motivated to overcome your fear. If you’d like to discuss a source of conflict with your partner, you can calm your nerves with some planning. Think about what you want to say and how you’ll start the conversation.

Increasing your self-esteem, by focusing on your strengths, practicing positive self-affirmations, and taking time for self-care, can make you more confident about approaching conflict. For instance, instead of telling yourself that you’re going to argue about finances, tell yourself that you’re going to complete the task of creating a budget with your partner. One way to prevent conflicts from festering and becoming unmanageable is to have a weekly “state of the union” meeting with your significant other. Barbara Markway, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience.

• When emotions are high, it’s easy to fall into negative communication patterns.
• Lighten conflict when appropriate to get people facing their differences.
• With effective conflict resolution, you can learn to create true harmony in your relationships.
• Overcoming conflict avoidance is a process, not an overnight fix.
• It is a chance to resolve disagreements and come to some sort of resolution.

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others is a skill you can learn and practice. To do so, identify your boundaries—what you want and need, what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable, and your non-negotiables. Then communicate them clearly, directly, and respectfully to others. If someone crosses or violates your boundaries, let them know how you feel and what you expect. Take action to protect yourself if they persist or disrespect your boundaries. Ask for permission, listen to their cues, and accept their “no” how to deal with someone who avoids conflict without judgment, pressure, or manipulation.